When you lose the person that you love most in the world, your heart feels like it’s being torn out of your chest and shredded into thousands of tiny pieces right in front of your eyes, but when you realise there’s something you can do to make everything better, the pieces start to weave their way back into place where they belong.

i love street art.

okay

okay so someone on facebook just posted this status: 'you want to know how i realy feel? sometimes i want to cry because i know everyone hates me, i know im not pretty but why does everyone have to rub it in i wish i was prettyer. and right now im crying because of the stupid insugnificant thing people say about me because they realy hurt'

this almost brought me to tears. yeah i get shit for being a 'bigger' girl, but it is just horrible to think that someone is going through all this. you dont have to be popular to have feelings, everybody deserves a chance and i believe that whatever you look like, wherever you come from, and however popular you are, you should be given a chance to be yourself to let people know who you really are. im fed up of people bullying and people judging and yes, i have been judgmental in the past, but thats the past, i've grown up and looked past the immature brick wall which most people get stuck at.

but seriously, i do believe in karma. what goes around comes around - if you dish out shit, you deserve to get shit back.

and ellie goulding, i think your beautiful.

maaan its been quite a long time now. been lost in a life of exams and hot weather! its surprising how little time it takes for a tan to appear, i like it. well anyway i am severely jealous of all the lucky fuckers who got to go to radio 1's big weekend. why does it always have to be bloody miles away from me? there was an absolutely amazing line up this year and im pretty cheesed off i couldnt be there! you me at six, dizzee rascal, biffy clyro, marina and the diamonds, kids in glass houses, paramore, hot chip... basically like EVERYTHING i listen to! unfair unfair unfair. and i bloody love chris moyles to pieces and i could have got the chance to meet him haha. well maybe next year or the year after or whenever stupid radio 1 fancies bringing its big weekend DOWN SOUTH!!

but anyway, im pretty tired now, chemistry exam today and physics friday. i need to recharge my brain! adios.

this towel is brilliant

dawin deez creates some pretty good shit.

'Twinkle, twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are

there's a million little lights when the sky turns black tonight
are there patterns in our skies, are patterns only in our eyes?'

'you and i are sitting on the ocean floor

you were tired of swimming and you're so bored'

'my dna is running out i am not the guy who makes you smile now and when we talk it's not the same but i already lost the gene for feeling pain'

'i hope that the last the page of your 800 page novel is missing and i hope that it rains if you leave the window down on your red mustang. i hope that your team lost; i hope your new girl takes off with a new guy. and i would like to be your girlfriend so i could dump you and i would like to be your garbage man so i would never have to pick up your trash again. maybe you should wonder why your apartment is always so empty. well i hope you get locked out of that apartment and have to call jenny'

something about the crazy hair, ankle bashing skinny jeans, weird head bands, strange deck shoes and odd pairs of glasses is actually quite attractive to me... am i losing it or what? i think they call it love!

No, I've never had a job
because I've never wanted one
I've seen you smile
but I've never really heard you laugh
so who is rich and who is poor?
I cannot say...

You are your Mother's only son

and you're a desperate one
but I don't want a lover
I just want to be seen
in the back of your car

A friendship sadly lost?
well, this is true
and yet, it's false
but did I ever tell you, by the way
I never did like your face

a poem i wrote

Contortion

A blade of grass is a great protrusion of the ground, heavenly and powerful,

A flower is a body of exquisite beauty, innocence and majesty,

A tree is a vein that sacrifices itself to helping, seeing, believing,

A forest is an immortal net of life beyond your wildest imagination.

An ocean is a cave of darkness distorted as light,

The sky is a mouth of a dragon, fiery, dangerous,

Space is a pool of black ink, an omen, a soul sucking phenomenon,

Life is a lie, a weird, fake mind game, where no-one knows the answers.

school is an utter shithole. exams can just go fuck off. revision can stick it. i've actually had enough of teachers bloody phoning home, parents nagging about homework and tutors giving detentions for no signed planner. dont you think its time that the kids took charge? imagine a school run by us, the food would be free, the teachers would give chocolate for no homework, in fact i think homework would be illegal, anyone who sets it would be crucified, people would swear, spray paint, scream, walk on whichever side of the corridor they wish and they would be able to wear what they want in their hair, wear all the jewelery in the world, dye their hair whatever colour they want, girls could actually not look like dogs and wear as much make up as they need, and chavs wouldnt dominate the corridors and make small little year 7's slip on banana skins. everyone could be equal! so school, if you get this message, you can stick it where the sun don't shine you fat fuckers.

having just got back from the pub, i have now conjured up in my mind some names in which a pub could be named. it could be called the Black Bear or maybe The Goat's Cheese Inn. maybe a sensible pub owner would go for something a bit more traditional and name it The Stanley Arms, or maybe even venture for The New Queen. in fact, i have just visited The New Queen public house situated in Sopley, United Kingdom and i was pleasantly surprised by the atmosphere and aura of the place. being in a small village with a lot of land, one would presume that the general punters of such a pub named The New Queen, would be the average farmer, with muddy boots and stale sweat on his shirt, sitting rigidly on a bar stool, gulping down cider, lager, whiskey, any alcohol he could afford. however, this judgement would be wrong. the pub actually is a family run, warm, welcoming civil place in which you can sit and have a quiet drink with a few friends, or have a seat at a table and enjoy a hearty meal, selected from a variety of great British dishes. the cool sombre atmosphere of such a place would be in total contrast to the stereotypical view of it. do not ask me why i am rabbiting on about a pub, it just took my interest and now its got my mind racing about that weird places they are. places where people enjoy one anothers company, places to enjoy a good meal, places to escape to and have a relax...places to drip feed your body with a poison so deadly it kills 13.4 people in every 100,00 people in the UK. so kids, next time you step into The Copper Kettle or The Dog and The Duck or maybe The Railway Inn, think again... you may not realize what your letting yourself in for..

photography & fashion

i've been thinking about what i've been doing in the past few days and i've come to the conclusion that photography is the way forward for me. taking still images of the beauty of live is so powerful and moving and to take this to another level and bind what i have into fashion and styling would be fantastic. i recently did a photoshoot with a friend of mine calling Eizabeth Thomas. Got some great shots that could go straight into vogue! i was really pleased with the results and i uploaded the photos to facebook and the comments i got back were brilliant. thanks to all those people who have supported me! to the left are some of the photos i took on the shoot.

fashion and photography is such an inspiration to me. people such as Edie Sedgwick, Janis Joplin, Brigitte Bardot and Audrey Hepburn are just some of those iconic people in fashion that should be inspiring for all young girls like me. some of the work these people have produced are incredible, totally and utterly priceless. these icons have the power to influence, inspire and most importantly innovate. one of my favourite fashion photographers, nigel barker, has recently joined twitter. following him on there is awesome, well basically your in the know of everything, how he's feeling, what his day brings and what he's produced. some of his frames are breathtaking and, i have to admit, i am well and truly jealous of him! i believe that passion, skill and determination is the way to fulfilling your dreams, and thats exactly what i am going to do, for as long as it takes me. i think anything is possible if you just believe it.

its strange how writing can change a mood. some people put as much care and thought into a piece of writing as a painter puts on a canvas. i sometimes wonder how it must feel to be unable to write. i cant imagine how it must feel to not feel the freedom of words pouring out on a page like a waterfall. i couldn't imagine a life without words. Without words, i could be in a sea of people, and still feel all alone. they say a picture speaks a thousand words, but have you ever thought that a word could speak a thousand pictures?